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Showing posts from March, 2005

Jokes about men :)

Thanks to my friend Kristen from work for these...they're good for a giggle. :)

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and s…

Happy birthday, my love!

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Happy XXX my baby! I love you more than chocolate! *smooch*

Happy Easter!

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Happy Easter everyone! Love you guys!

Eggs

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"A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked."

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

This came from Mary buried in one of those chain letters that I refuse to forward. Still though, I liked this list and thought it worthy of posting. :)

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, …

2004 Darwin Awards :)

Gods, I *so* love these. Thanks Bitchy Girl! :)

You all know about the Darwin Awards. These are annual honors given to people who did the gene pool a service by mutilating or killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid ways. Last year's winner was the fellow who attempted to wash his own 'balls' in a ball washer at the local golf course.

As always, competition has been keen. Below is a list of the candidates including memorable candidates, Honorable Mention, Runners-Up and the Winner. Remember, most of these people were or still vote in elections:

* According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.

* In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zon…

Wrongest coloring book ever!

Thanks to my buddy Rob for this link...be prepared, it's quite wrong but very very funny!

http://www.jimwirt.com/coloringweb/COLORINGBOOK.htm

Talking clock :)

A little funny from my inbox compliments of Thia. Thanks honey! :)


A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed.

"What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole, it's three o'clock in the morning!"

Guess I'm a smart girl...or an English Nazi, one. :)

I just took the The Commonly Confused Words Test and here's how I scored:

Advanced

You scored 100% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 72% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

Other statistics:

*Compared to users who took the test and are and in your age group:
*100% had lower Beginner scores.
*100% had lower Intermediate scores.
*100% had lower Advanced scores.
*100% had lower Expert scores.
*With respect to Beginner, users aged 55 to 59 scored highest.
*With respect to Intermediate, users aged 55 to 59 scored highest.
*With respect to Advanced, users aged 55 to 59 scored highest.
*With respect to Expert, users aged 55 to 59 scored highest.

Happy birthday, Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday and I'm actually going to get to see him for a change. He'll be rolling in to town around 5ish and staying until early next week...woohoo! I'm sure I won't be adding anything here until he goes home so hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! :)

Birthday wishes :)

I've got a couple of birthdays to acknowledge this morning:

First: My stepmom, Melanie. Truly a wonderful woman, she's been a mom-person to me since I was an 8-year-old, awkward, dorky kid. She's awesome and I love her to death!

Second: My buddy, Ken. Not sure whether I should say happy or unhappy birthday since Ken's the Ubergoth. Either way, I'm trying to find a good traditionally gothic outfit to wear tonite in his honor. ;-)

Happy birthday, you guys! Lots of love!

100%

A funny from my inbox, thanks to Toni. LOL!

This is a reasonably good example of how the scientific application of NUMEROLOGY can use coincidence to make nonsense of reality. From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is
represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So,…

Yankee or Dixie?

Thanks to Matt for finding this quiz! My score is this:

80% (Dixie). That is a pretty strong Southern score!

Teehee, ya think? It's not like I'm 4th generation Texan or anything, LOL!

Stuff and nonsense

I'm carrying on this themed thread that I stole from Matt cuz it's silly and kinda funny...

Instructions:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your Blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

Boq tried to fan in himself an interest in Shenshen or Pfannee, who certainly were coquettish enough. But they both seemed besotted with Avaric.

At last Boq cornered Galinda on the porch and pleaded with her to talk with him.
Just so everyone knows, this quote is from the book 'Wicked' which is a very entertaining story about the life of the Wicked Witch of the West. :)

Showing my age??

So, I have a guilty admission to make. I've become addicted to this *cheesy* radio station's "Super 70s Weekend" and have listened to it for the last two weekends. I swear that this has got to be Barry's fault for having several hours of That 70's Show on every day after we get home from work...I believe it's making me relive my childhood. Whatever the reason, I share this evil with all of you. Anyone can listen at:

http://www.sunny971.com/listen.html

They will play nothing but 70s tunes from Friday night until Sunday night. Be afraid, be *very* afraid. Now if I could just find a trash disco night to go to, I'd be all set! LOL!

Which Horror Movie Are You Living?

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You're living the movie House on Haunted Hill!


?? Which Horror Movie Are You Living ??
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