Complaints of a modern day vampire

This went out over the DGL ages ago and I found it while cleaning out my inbox...hope y'all enjoy it!

1. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.

2. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.

3. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time

4. Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look
Ma! It's Elvis!"

5. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated
Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.

6. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.

7. No warm blood for miles around DC.

8. Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.

9. No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.

10. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."

11. Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.

12. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.

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